Wednesday, Jan. 05, 2005

why

Today was the funeral of the friend I mentioned a few days ago that was killed in a car accident.

Tragedy cannot be weighed on a scale of how traumatic it is. To the people involved in the situation, a tragedy is a horrific life-changing event. This particular tragedy breaks my heart every time I think of it. I am not one of the people directly impacted by it, but there are people that I am close to who are.

The car accident involved a husband, his pregnant wife, and their one year old daughter. The wife, Lora, and I, have known each other our entire lives. Our parents are extremely close friends. Lora is only a year older than me, but we had our own sets of friends, never really grew close, but were always nice and considerate to each other. Lora is a total sweetheart, I always thought we could be good friends, but both of us are rather quiet, shy people. (I have always thought that- I'm not just saying that because of the circumstances involved.) Her husband, Matt, was two years ahead of me in high school. They were high school sweethearts and everyone knew they would last. Their relationship was built on their love for the Lord, you could tell how much they cared for each other in a genuine way, not just a lovey-dovey high school fling. Their relatinoship lasted throughout college and they got married as soon as Lora graduated. The pastor recounted at the funeral that while Lora and Matt were dating instead of saying three little words at the end of every conversation, Matt's mom would overhear them say six instead. "I love you. Remember to pray."

They were married four years to the very day that Matt was taken in the accident. Lora also lost her unborn child. Their daughter, by the grace of God, is fine.

This alone sounds like a sad story. But every time I hear more, it gets more and more gut-wrenching.

The day before the accident, Lora told Matt she had a horrible feeling something was going to happen to him and she was going to be alone. Matt told her that if anything happened to him he would be in heaven with Jesus, and that God would take care of her. And that "All worry gives you is a headache."

Lora recalls every detail of the accident up until the moment they were hit by a semi. They slid on a patch of ice and across the median on the interstate. Matt purposely turned the car so that it would hit on his side and not Lora and the baby's side. As he turned the car he turned to Lora and said, "I Love You"

I wonder, as I'm sure most people do in this situation, why God lets things like this happen. I know that some people will say that in the end it will work out for good, others will say "When it's your time, it's your time" as well as the "There's a reason for everything, we just don't know what it is yet" and the list of answers goes on and on. Whatever people say, I still wonder. We may never know why. I hurt very deeply for the entire family of everyone involved. This is such a life-changing event, if thinking about the circumstances of what happens makes me cry, I cannot imagine being the wife and mother losing her husband and son. I cannot imagine the baby girl wondering where her daddy went. I cannot imagine trying to go on with my life.

I would want to have gone to heaven with the other members of my family.

But, instead of focusing on why God took the ones that he did, I would like to think of it as, "Why did God leave me on earth? What is his purpose for me?"

I have been angry with God many times about tragic things that have happened in my life, losing my best friend at a young age, not getting to know my maternal grandparents because they died when I was at such a young age, and the list goes on and on. No matter how angry I am, I have to remember that HE is the one that is in control in all of this, and HIS purpose WILL be served no matter who is angry at Him.

At the funeral today the Pastor said, "Something a Pastor dreads hearing is "will you say a few words" and especially in the case of a death of someone they were close to. Today, I don't have any words. So I'm counting on the Lord to give them to me and help me through this." What a lesson this could be if it were applied to life in general.

**My mom is the source of the stories recounted here, who spoke with Lora's mother.

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